Author: jnorth

Mr Waugh’s Feedback on your Dystopia

December 30, 2012 / / 0 Comments

Strengths:

This story clearly demonstrates that you have taken a lot of notice of the ways that dystopian authors create suspense by using sensory description and by keeping information from their reader. You have also worked very hard to respond to the advice you were given to make your tense (present) and viewpoint (first person) consistent throughout the piece.

You’ve also successfully incorporated a wide range of the grammar techniques that we have studied.

Advice:

Now that you are writing complex sentences and using subordinating conjunctions – the next step for you is to learn how to use punctuation to clearly show where the different parts of the sentence are. Mostly a subordinate clause needs to have a comma before and after it.

Another area for work is your sentence structuring. You tend to run your sentences together, or connect them using commas rather than full-stops. At this stage my advice is for you to be conservative, and when in doubt, make it a complete sentence.

Advanced Advice

A deeper challenge is for you to get your writing to read more fluently. While there are many specific technical approaches that we can look into, initially I’d encourage you to read your writing aloud to someone – you’ll be amazed how when you do that you discover the anomolies that make it slightly difficult to read.

Here is your original piece with detailed annotations to read:

[gview file=”http://ayahiaoui.community.edutronic.net/wp-content/uploads/sites/317/2012/12/Adam.pdf”]

This is Your Online Domain

September 4, 2012 / / 0 Comments

 Icon for Student Blogs at Edutronic.Net

Hello and welcome to your personal online journal.

This platform has been created to enhance and enrich your learning at the London Nautical School. Its purpose is to provide you with an audience for your work (or work-in-progress) and you have the choice (by altering the ‘visibility’ of your posts) of whether your work on here is visible to the world, or only to your teacher.

Anything you post here in the public domain represents you and thus it’s important that you take care with that decision, but don’t be afraid to publish your work – as the feedback you may get from people at home, your peers and people from around the internet is only likely to enhance it.

Remember you can always access your class blog and all manner of resources through the Edutronic.net main website – and by all means check out the sites of your peers to see what they’re getting up to as well.

If you have any questions for me, an excellent way to get an answer is to create a new private post on this journal. I am notified of any new posts and will reply swiftly to any queries.

Make the most of, and enjoy this new freedom in your English learning.

Righto!

 

Mr Waugh